Monday, February 7, 2011

40 Days

I wanted to start the year off with a deepening of my practice through participation in 40 Days to Personal Revolution. The previous year had been difficult; full of transitions, conflict and suffering. I was determined to change things. I believed 40 Days would provide the structure for this change, but somehow I can't seem to dedicate myself to this effort. I had all kinds of excuses. The weather delayed the start of our practice period by a week, then I had an injury, then the excuses started. I began interviewing for a new job, the kids had never ending viruses, and did I mention the weather? All of these excuses were simply avoidance, I didn't want to do the work because I was afraid. Afraid of what I might discover about myself on this journey. Yet I had been actively seeking answers-- just from other people. I had conveniently labeled this as gaining insight. Hmm, that's right, I was looking to other people for insight.

This brings me to today. I have lost track of where we are in the 40 Days. Work being my current excuse. This morning while I worked I stumbled upon an event listing. Elizabeth Gilbert was in Durham to promote the paperback release of Committed. I had read Committed in my quest for answers last year. I knew I needed to go, I was sure Elizabeth Gilbert would have something insightful to say, something I had missed when I read the book. As I sat in the audience, I listened carefully, I knew it was coming-- she had to have an answer. Not only did Elizabeth Gilbert have an answer, she had THE answer. "What I wanted to know, I knew."

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